I Want To Believe

I want to believe in "we."
I want to believe in "when."

I've been taught to be wary of a void of explanation, of a sudden departure, of a change of heart.  I've even been taught to be wary of an honest conversation.  "I've changed my mind.  I don't know why."

Dexter Morgan once said "maybe that's what love is - endurance."

Jerry Seinfeld once said "you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation, and that's really the most important part of the reservation - the holding."

I'm starting to think they're right.  I can handle the early wishes, the plans, the dreams of vacations, and even the Halloween costumes.  But maybe it's not the dreams of romantic vacation that really matter.  Maybe it's the smaller moments.  Exchanging articles the other would find interesting.  A Sunday morning walk for coffee and the paper.  Working separately but sharing the same blanket.  Perhaps it's the sharing of the mundane that pulls a connection through.

But until I learn that lesson, the holding, the endurance, I can enjoy the quiet and the mundane with my own company.  Knowing that I'm stable enough to envision having a next time at all.