When was the last time I saw a sunrise? It struck me last night, scrolling through the Internet while I watched the TV blare into the late hours, that my typical patterns of life are so unnatural. Artificial light keeps us up long after the sun has melted into the horizon, leaving us in an unnatural trance. I remember the days when I would go on vacation, whether to the beach or to the city, and I would wake up with the sunrise and rest with the sunset. Without my computer to distract me, and without the drive to binge on television ("I didn't come all this way just to watch TV"), I would stay up and read or talk or eat, but sleep would fall early as my body would slowly catch up to all the walking and moving and adventure I had already put it through that day. And with no set alarm to get up, only the sun through the window would wake me.
I want a life, or at least a vacation, where I rise and fall by the sun. I've always been a late sleeper and I've never been a morning person, but every time I witness the quiet of the morning I'm filled with a sense of transcendence and serenity.
Alas, my life and my passions don't allow for a schedule like that. I live a schedule of evening rehearsals, late-night socializing, and midday brunch. It seems a prerequisite to defy the natural rhythm of the day. I know I'd never change my rhythm, because I'd be at least four hours off-kilter with those who share my living space, and it might be more important to my happiness now to share experiences with them since I'm already so reluctant to give up my personal routines for a group dynamic.
But on the days when, by chance, I am awake for the morning quiet, say for a doctor's appointment or from a restless night, I feel peace. And I wonder.
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