Musings

I hate writing.  That's why it's been since August.  But I have a lot of thoughts and if I don't tell someone then I take them out on someone.  So I'm back.  And I won't apologize to myself for leaving and not coming back, because I'm coming back.

So the 100 days of Happy thing (in which I am not participating)?  Here's my issue with it.  It's just that - things.  A friend of mine posted her happy thing a few days ago: Girl Scout cookies.  I mean, I can just buy a box of girl scout cookies if it's that easy to be happy.  While I do believe that sometimes I purchase items that bring happiness into my life (a new cookbook, a comforter that might as well be a cloud, etc.), I think that for a gratitude exercise it might be a bit inappropriate to cite mostly objects as things of happy. Maybe it's fine for a certain percentage, but overall I think it defeats the purpose.

I saw happiness today at my 11pm church service, when about a half hour in there was a latecomer and while there were many empty seats, another member of the congregation moved over to make room for him.  It happened silently and anonymously and it brought a faint wetness to my eyes.  Finding the good in the world brings me happiness.  Buying the good in the world does not, no matter how much it may make me smile.

Another musing: while I still have far to go on my journey of self-discovery, I need to surround myself with people who already have an acute awareness of who they are.  As I move forward on my own path, I find myself easily frustrated by those who are behind.  This is not to say I judge them for it: I applaud anyone who even has the strength and the courage to begin the journey of knowing themselves.  However, the more prominent they become in my life, the more I become the advice-giver and the more I find myself unable to move forward in my own way.  And then I feel stunted myself from my own frustration - how can I be so shallow as to ignore the journeys of others only to further my own?  But I've always been one to voluntarily be the runt of the litter, to have adult mentors and friends, to be the youngest student in my social circle.  Being inspired helps me grow so much, and it is one of the few feelings that helps me truly glow.  But it's not that I don't appreciate the journeys of others - it's that I'm not mature enough yet myself to understand how helping them can be part of my journey too.